Genre: angst, AU, romance
Summary: Was it selfish? Lying so he wouldn't lose the heat enveloping his body?
Four Years Ago
"You need to stop that bad habit of yours," the taller male voiced out as he plucked the cigarette out of his friend's hand. Bringing it closer to his lips he took a drag before he threw the cancer stick onto the ground and with a squeak of his shoe it was put out.
The raven haired boy chuckled shaking his head in amusement at his friends action.
"You mean this bad habit of ours," toying with the lighter he continued, "And it's not as if I smoke all the time it's just when I'm - "
Silence fell upon them, their schoolmates passing by immersed in.their own world as they sat on the concrete sidewalk. Their eyes following the crowd of students as they walked through.the school's gate.
Sitting up Jaejoong broke the silence, tugging at his friends arm.
"Come on, we should go."
But they still waited few more minutes until the crowd was gone, because as Yoochun knew, Jaejoong hated crowds.
"I gotta tell you something guys,"
The hallways were packed, students mingling with each other as the lunch bell rang. The boy dragged his two friends towards an empty spot near the teacher's lounge.
"What is it? Oh god don't tell us you have a crush on someone," Junsu giggled at the secrecy of their talk in the packed hallway. Yoochun grinned at the other boy's remark, their heads coming closer in a clash of laughter.
Jaejoong stared at them, heart thumping hard inside his rib cage as he tried to focus on the words he was about to voice out.
Laughter ceased immediately, Junsu's pupils dilating at Jae's words. Forcing the smile back on his face he asked, "Are you joking now? Because Jae we know how you can -"
Yoochun just stared, lips moving in an attempt to form words.
"Are you sure?"
With a slight smile that somehow wasn't even there Jaejoong nodded in affirmation, "I am."
It was strange how silent the school appeared to them.at that moment. No noise. No laughter.
Panicking inside Jae started, "I wanted you guys to know, I hope it won't - "
Yoochun cut him off, "It changes nothing Jae. Don't worry."
Junsu nodded his head at Yoochun's words but somehow, Jaejoong couldn't see it in their eyes.
He felt his heart drop.
It's not what you think, he would tell himself as he would feel Junsu cringe under his arm.
'You're not my type' he would try to joke, but somehow, the smile on Junsu's lips didn't look real.
He realized that commenting other guy's features was not quite if a bonding theme for Yoochun.
The latter would laugh it off, but Jaejoong knew.
And it hurt.
When rumors started to circulate the school, Jae tried to evince himself it wasn't about him.
He tried to tell himself that it will be okay.
"Yah Junsu-yah!" the raven shouted as he called his friend, "Go get Chun, I gotta tell you something,"
With a nod Junsu disappeared behind the gym doors.
Jaejoong sat on the wooden bench in the locker room, nails digging into the soft skin of his palm as he clutched his shirt in the other. With a bitter smile, he got up to get dressed.
The two boys entered shortly, Junsu's head in an arm-lock of a grinning Yoochun. Somehow, the sight made his heart ache.
Not wanting to waste any second, he breathed out.
"I'm not gay", not giving them a chance to stop him he continued,
"I joked. Because I was curious to see what would your reaction be like," grinning widely he stuck out his tongue at his gaping friends.
Next thing he knew, two pairs of arms were trapping his lithe form, palms ruffling his dark locks.
He heard "I knew it was a joke" and "We knew you're not that way" and despite the heat enveloping his body, he felt cold.
It was as if, his heart had betrayed itself.
"Yeah," he laughed wrapping his arms around his friends shoulders tighter.